And I am. I bore myself. The reason most people follow me on Twitter is that they’ve seen me dicking around on telly and thought, “I bet he’ll make me laugh if I follow him!”. And what do they – you – get in return? Links to articles with long words in them by people like Peter bloody Oborne with no pictures/jokes/tits in them. I am so sorry.
This News of the World thing is everywhere at the moment, and me permanently banging on about it on Twitter – where you’re looking to get away from this sort of thing – must be very tedious for you.
I’m sorry.
I’m using you. I am. I’ve taken your desire for the odd joke and am instead pushing you to be angry about someting. It’s like a man going into the chip shop and having the guy behind the counter trying to sell him a salad. He wanted chips. Why is the chippy being such a dick?
Well, what if the chippy had been shown his customer’s medical report? What if that report said that if the man kept eating chips, the man will explode. An explosion so violent, that everyone alive would be scarred by it. The chippy undoubtedly feels it’s his duty to direct the mans attention towards the lettuce. However loudly the man shouts “BUT I JUST WANT CHIPS!”, however much other people in the queue agree that the man should be allowed to have chips, the chippy has to stick to his guns and keep shouting “HAVE A FUCKING SALAD.”
Eventually the man will leave the chip shop, get his chips from somewhere else, and eventually the explosion will occur and the Nana’s/nurse’s/children’s faces will all be scarred. Unless…
Unless… rather than just shouting “HAVE A FUCKING SALAD”, the chippy is able to explain to the man why he should have a salad.
That, I promise you, is all I’m trying to do. I know you came to me for chips, but I’m compelled to ask you to have a salad. Not just for your own well-being, but for mine too. I’m not better than you, or smarter, or more worthwhile. I’m not superior to you because I’m on telly or have a bunch of followers on twitter. I’m not superior to you at all. No-one is. I’m just a bloke who has had it explained to him why all this NotW stuff is SO important. And it’s this:
The people we elect, to serve our best interests, are being blackmailed.
The people doing the blackmailing don’t want what is best for US they want what is best for themselves.
What’s good for them is actually bad for us.
Therefore, we no longer live in a democracy where our elected officials are working in our best interests, we’re living in a poisonous oligarchy, one of the main aims of which is to make money for Rupert Murdoch, regardless of who suffers, hurts or dies.
The systems that our forefathers built to protect us are being taken away.
Those with the power are becoming more powerful and less answerable.
Those with the money are becoming richer.
Those with very little are set to suffer more.
I don’t want that for me.
I don’t want that for you.
I don’t want it for my kids, your kids, our friends, our parents, our countrymen.
Maybe the fact that I haven’t found a way of making this funny is evidence that I’m not a very good comedian. I’ll admit I find it waaaaaaay easier to make jokes about things that matter less.
But this stuff really matters. It is no overstatement to say that the future of British democracy is up for grabs here. If we all just stop talking about this, if it goes away, if we, collectively, take our eye off the ball nothing will change. Murdoch will get more powerful and what you want for your life will cease to matter.
So, I’m sorry for being a boring twat, but at least now hopefully, you understand why.
The Dog's B'logs 
I’m glad you find the need to be boring once in a while, your principles are one of the reasons I still follow you
brilliant!
I want salad.
You can be funny but and still have something to say. If someone isn’t interested in the opinion of the person they follow, then twitter really isn’t the best place for them.
Well played played for seeing both sides but please keep on just as you are.
Excellent. I feel this is heartfelt and I applaud you for skilfully articulating what a lot of people are thinking. Nicely done Sir.
Exquisitely written, Mr H. Thank you. X
Fairplay, very passionate writing, just because you’re a comedian doesn’t mean you can’t address important issues. Shouldn’t have to apologize, it’s a credit to you that you’ve taken the time to try and make a difference on this issue.
Follow me on Twitter if you wan’t, It’d be an honour, only got 17 followers as it is. RichieOwen_
The fact that you haven’t tried to make this funny doens’t mean you’re a bad comedian, it just means you’re not a fool.
Having said that, I did like the IoS’s cut out and keep ‘ginger locks of invulnerability’ today, so maybe there is a little room for humour.
well said!
–quote–
“Therefore, we no longer live in a democracy where our elected officials are working in our best interests, we’re living in a poisonous oligarchy, one of the main aims of which is to make money for Rupert Murdoch, regardless of who suffers, hurts or dies.
The systems that our forefathers built to protect us are being taken away.
Those with the power are becoming more powerful and less answerable.
Those with the money are becoming richer.
Those with very little are set to suffer more.
I don’t want that for me.
I don’t want that for you.
I don’t want it for my kids, your kids, our friends, our parents, our countrymen.”
–end quote–
Rufus, you da man… and Keith is still a Lemon.
Roll up the next series of @CelebJuice where u can dish out some more!!
and I shall join you either in the audience, or on the panel (if the CelebJuice booker books me, to join u n Fearne).
Keep in touch!
Well said Sir!
Are you ok? Lol
You don’t need to apologise matey I don’t expect you to be at work all the time & this twitter twatter thing is just a thing!!!. If you wish to make us laugh then that’s a bonus for us & practise for you :).
I’ve never voted nor bought newspaper’s for the reasons of which you just blogged about. Well no that’s not totally true , I might buy the local rag for gossip sake!!. And if i was to vote it wouldn’t be for any of these clowns that just talk! but it would of been for a guy that my dear old dad used to say he knew his stuff years ago , but dad’s dead now & I wish I could tell him or let him know how bloody right he was when he told me never to trust anyone !!.
As an ex biker due to ill health , you go get em & make them laugh :)…Paul
Boring!
On a serious note. You’ve made many good points here and I hope people take heed.
Now, did you mention tits!
I do the same thing without the benefit of lots of followers, which makes me a boring unpopular twat. You can probably take some comfort from that.
Hear hear here!
I wanted to stand and applaud after reading that.
I really and truly hope that this NoTW thing marks the beginning of the end for Murdoch and his empire. Unfortunately, it is unlikely to be so. As my boyfriend pointed out to me (he got it off twitter so perhaps from you? I’m not sure) the closing of the NoTW could be useful for Murdoch in that he could use it to get rid of potential evidence before the inquiry is set in stone.
But (and it’s a fairly large but, though not large enough for capital letters) it will hopefully open people’s eyes a bit more. If there was one thing that could really have shown people – normal people, people who aren’t left wing and not ordinarily prone to disliking big business (my gran, in short) – that Murdoch should not be trusted and should not have the power he has, this is it. Sensible people like you just have to keep talking sense and keep spreading the word to keep the momentum going.
Happiness and Light,
Mabel.
Well said, Especially the second half. I mean
(regards the first half – I personally don’t follow people to get their act repeated, but to hear the rest of it, the stuff behind it all, and to hear the stuff that you hear that I never would otherwise. We’re not all numpties,honest.)
Top stuff Rufus. Good points well made. It is (and you are) not boring. These are essential ideas that need to be open to scrutiny and addressed.
Our freedoms are fucked; bless the interwebs for giving us a platform to express ourselves.
My only fear is that the governments and the Mighty Malevolent Murdoch my one day find a way to quash the expression of our infidelical thought processes.
Just look at the Great Firewall of China and Radiohead’s new microblog there. They daren’t mention politics! http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2011/jul/06/radiohead-microblog-china
But I thought the chip shop rant was quite funny, actually. Sometimes a good rant does you good. Rah!
“My only fear is that the governments and the Mighty Malevolent Murdoch my one day find a way to quash the expression of our infidelical thought processes”
My fears as well mate!…Scary thought that Murdoch is bigger the the Government at the moment as well!..He seems to be getting away with anything!
You know, with that said, the one thing we need right now, is more twats like you.
Thanks
Why on earth do you need to explain yourself. You have taken a stance and you are passionate about it. Surely that speaks for it’s self. you can tweet till your hearts content. After all it’s only 160 characters and if it bores people or annoys them then it takes but a blink of an eye to refocus on something else.
Do you really need followers/fans with such a low tolerance levels and are lacking such basic skills that they cannot recognise that others can have opinions and passions outside their own cosy environment.
I follow you on twitter because I have seen you larking around on the box however I have the nessecary awareness to understand you are not just a comedian but also someone who has there own mind just like jo public.
Keep calm and carry on my friend,
Scaley
I’m the first to admit I don’t really understand a lot of things about what’s been going on, but what I would say that what makes a good comedian is knowing what things to make a joke about. Some things, taking the piss makes them less powerful, lessens the hold of fear they have. Some things making jokes about them just gives them a reason to ignore us, and I think that’s applicable now. When it’s just the comedians saying things in situations like this, it gives the people at fault reason to dismiss it or play the victim. “They’ll say anything for laughs, they’re just using us as material to further themselves, what do they know anyway, they’re just comedians”.
You shouldn’t feel you have an obligation to make it funny to make people listen; we need to listen because this is something that funny by itself can’t fix. It’s the public as a whole that needs to make a change here. Keep on being a boring twat who prods us into righteous indignation, hopefully it’ll get things done.
I know a well crafted joke/comment is priceless, but there should always be a place for a thoughtful, well argued analysis of the bigger picture, it is always vital that, wherever possible, people do not lose track of the real motivations in society, the injustice of NOTW and Fleet Street in general, as well as other scandals such as the unforgiveable speculation that still lines the pockets of the few whilst shafting the rest of us. How many people, this winter will need to choose between heating or eating – well done Rufus.
Paul Mason’s article on the BBC website is also worth a read, saying something very similar but with a different formulation of words and ideas:
http://revs.me/thewayithasbeen
I like the clarity you have given it here though.
Need more bores like this around at the moment. Keep up the good work
The sad thing about this is that if one of these politicians had stood up to Murdoch and his minions, they would have folded up like cheap beach chairs. Witness all of the cowardly concessions he made to the Chinese government so he could get a foothold in satellite-television market there. It’s a pity that this didn’t inspire somebody who was democratically elected to do the same. Actually, they just might be getting started now.
That all sounds like an abdication of personal responsibility to me- newspapers don’t sell news, they sell fictional narratives that confirm of one’s existing worldview, if you want to believe what they’re telling you. Whose worse- the dealer or the addict? NI might have been selling the lies, but we were the ones deliberately buying them.The fact that people believe these obvious fabrications isn’t Murdoch’s fault any more than it’s George Lucas’s fault people put “Jedi” on their census forms- it was supposed to be a bit of fun, not form the factual basis of your opinion on the EU or whatever.
That said Murdoch’s still a wideboy making a buck from gullible people and does have form supporting national policy positions- he’s particularly keen on education. Also, obviously, the breaches of personal privacy/interfering with a murder investigation sort of thing is about as repulsive as is humanly conceivable. The only facts in the whole rag and they represent a historic low for the 4th estate because the public didn’t need to know
However, I reckon more genrally the powerless have never had such opportunity- look at the Arab Spring- and to be honest the systems our forefathers built never worked very well and were only relatively recently opened to women and gays. Stuff like twitter is showing its enormous potential in enhancing and emboldening civic society- look how much stuff emerged about the NOTW during the last few days. See how it galvanised us too.
Ultimately it’s down to the MPs to realise when they’re being lobbied and ignore it, and down to individual citizens to look out for one another and research our opinions properly. Anyone who knows their stuff belly-laughs at the crap spewed forth by NOTW or Daily Mail- what better protection can there be from the unscrupulous than to know when they’re selling us a pup? It’s our own ignorance that disempowers us, gives NI its power over MPs and can make us demand things from our leaders that aren’t even in our own interests.
But yeah, you’re still a boring twat.*
*I don’t know why I said that. I love you, man.
I don’t follow you on twitter because I think your going to tell jokes 24/7, I follow you because I find what you say interesting and honest, if I want to see you tell jokes, I’ll turn on my TV, so carry on twitter being yourself and a boring twat as you call it, I’ll still keep following you.
In an anodyne world where even the dismantling of public services and the rape of the economy to fill the coffers of the new lords of the manor seem to be accepted because to try and understand why things have got so bad would be too much effort for many, this is at very least a fascinating story. It has heroes like Hugh Grant on Question Time, Steve Coogan on Newsnight, and people like you and Graham Linnehan amongst others on Twitter, just as it has villains like Brooks who will crawl over the corpses of hundreds of careers to keep her own position of privilege, like Coulson who lied through his teeth to get close to the levers of power, like Cameron who didn’t want to see the truth, and that shadowy cabal of other newspapers who are scared to join in lest the spotlight fall on them.
We all got angry at the MPs for fiddling their expenses and that sustained anger meant that something was done.
We all got angry at the banks for stealing our prosperity, and in some cases our livelihoods, even our homes, but we didn’t sustain that anger and the system went back to the same mire of self-interest.
If we don’t have people like you, who hopefully a few will listen to, sustaining our anger over this, a few sacrificial offerings will be made, far fewer lives ruined than were ruined by this malodorous swamp of sleaze, and once more we will be in thrall to people who view freedom and the right to privacy as optional.
So keep up the good work.
@Sophia (and Rufus)
I do believe the great benefits of being a comedian is being able to put a mirror up against the world without fear of being discredited. What’s the worse someone can do? They’ll laugh or heckle, so what?!
I think it’s one of the few jobs that enable an individual to express the truth (well, of course I refer to the subjective truth, as perceived and expressed by its possessor).
Nothing better than a bit of good honest twattish passion to drive a point home!
I agree with this. It’s just such a shame that often the people that the mirror is being held up to use the humour element as an excuse to dismiss a valid point. There needs to be boring bastards like us around to show that even if people are laughing at it, it doesn’t mean we’re not pretty damn pissed off at the same time.
Sometimes the darkest and starkest of humour can hold the glibbest of truths. Then again I’m often told I’m “flippant”.
People don’t like an uncomfortable truth revealed. Better (and easier) to flick over the channel Britain’s Got The X-Factor On Ice or Michael McIntyre.
No disrespect to Michael, but he IS the supermainstream safety comic… He’s as safe and reassuring the Werther’s Original granddad before the granddad had his motives questioned in the post Sarah’s Law world.
I had an argument with a colleague about this once. I said I didn’t like Michael McIntyre’s act because I find it a bit obvious, despite his technical showmanship. I said I wanted to comedy to challenge me, to stimulate my mind.
Colleague’s response: “I don’t watch comedy to think. I watch comedy to NOT think!”
So, with that in mind, I sometimes wonder if we deserve all we could ostensibly get!!
That’s part of what allows the problem to perpetuate itself, isn’t it? And part of what leads people to tweeting at comedians going “oi, funnyman, where’s all your jokes at?”, it’s the fact that we go to these places to not-think. Escapism is understandable in small doses but I think these days* it’s too easy for the escape to become the norm with brief vacations to reality, what with the internet and the easy-watching comfortable television you mentioned. I wonder too if we’ve kind of brought some of this upon ourselves. It’s like most people have given up trying to solve problems and just settle for things that’ll distract them from it instead. I don’t think the world is going to the dogs or whatever just yet, but I do think that sometimes you** need someone to piss all over your escapism and basically shout “pay attention, this is important”.
Which is why it’s good that comedians will continue to make comedy that makes you think, or annoy you by clogging up your twitfeed with all these nasty little real-life problems that you’re trying to avoid. You can change the channel or unfollow the person, but hopefully if it catches you unexpectedly, it’ll force you to think about it at least for a while. Small hope, but still.
*Disclaimer; I hold no qualifications for the use of the phrase “these days”, being as I am nineteen rather than ninety.
**’You’ being used in the general rather than the specific sense in this comment, by the by.
Sorry to revisit the past, but I wonder: why is your blog empty? You describe yourself as a would-be author. Your words are interesting.
I like your line (paraphrased) of distraction becoming the norm with occasional visits to reality.
I’m not sure I entirely agree, however. It just comes down to the awareness of (i) how much you’re distracted, and (ii) what you can actually do realistically once you’ve been awakened to the important stuff.
Christ, we ARE in the realm of doublethink aren’t we?
It IS a crisis, but because we’re enjoying our social media user content entertainment it IS NOT a crisis.
Incompatible worldviews but both seemingly true.
Talk about congitive dissonance.
I’m going to buy a Daily Express and anticipate Europe-wide war AS I’VE BEEN TOLD.
[…] And I am. I bore myself. The reason most people follow me on Twitter is that they've seen me dicking around on telly and thought, “I bet he'll make me laugh if I follow him!”. And what do they – you – get in return? Links to articles with long words in them by people like Peter bloody Oborne with no pictures/jokes/tits in them. I am so sorry. This News of the World thing is everywhere at the moment, and me permanently banging on about it on Twitt … Read More […]
Keep fighting the good fight; Murdoch needs to be stopped. If people expect you to be constantly joking on Twitter, they’ve missed the point of Twitter as a place to see and experience a person’s full self. You’ve done wonderful work with the Hope for Laura campaign; the Murdoch scandal awareness is a continuation of you using Twitter as a force for good. Which is never boring.
Once you begin to understand how much influence one man has had over the past couple of decades it becomes quite sickening..
This level of influence will only be extended if NewsCorp is allowed to acquire to obtain 100% of BSkyB..
Anyone who thinks that the closure of the News of the World is the end of the matter has clearly missed the point..
What is important is that, with the decision about the BSkyB deal being deferred to later in the year (presumably so that all of this “kefuffle” from the commoners can blow over) that people don’t forget what kind of people Murdoch and his clan are..
So I applaud you for your tweets, they’ve been informative and, despite what the dullards may say, very funny. Please continue, and I’ll continue to RT them too..
Our politicians no longer have any power in any case. They can’t do much without first consulting EU law and the bond markets. So I’m not really sure what all the fuss is about. The British Parliament is just a little Parish Council.
I don’t think you’re boring Rufus. In fact I think you are a very interesting man, who actually gives a shit and couldn’t agree with you more about it all. About Rupert Murdoch having pound signs in his eyes regardless of the people he clearly thinks are lesser than him. About this country going to hell in a handbasket and everyone standing around doing sod all about it. If I had the means to shout from the rooftops and have even one person listen to me I would be doing just that. I applaud you Rufus. Well done mate. X
Great Stuff. Couldn’t have been put better by the PM, oh wait. He hasn’t and won’t say it. So I’m glad you did. Will RT to my meagre bunch of followers. x
I don’t live in the uk but still feel affected by this disgrace ,you got my attention on this one . Well said ,we need twats like you to stand up and speak your mind. Keep it up .
We all go back to eating chips though, that’s the point.
When I say ‘we’ I mean ‘they’. When I say ‘chips’ I mean x-factor, celebs and all that.
So it goes…
I follow you precisely BECAUSE you talk about salad.
I was only ever entertained, and got to know the guy by TV’s ‘Let’s Dance For Comic Relief’ Let’s hope he gets the gig for next year…then again…if you’ve seen it once…
I’m hungry now.
Hey, don’t apologise, I liked you when you were just a comedian. Now you’re a comedian AND a man making a principled stand for democracy!
To complete the set, don’t suppose you could nip around to my house and make sweet, beautiful love to me?
Good work, perhaps once Murdoch is out the way some energy could be focussed on the rest of the power elite
I followed you because I saw you on arguemental. I still follow you because it quickly became obvious that the passion I saw on TV is evident in your RL too. In essence I walked into a chippy and asked for salad.
Great post. I’m not that familiar with your work, but – you know what? – next time I fancy some chips, I’ll see if you’re on my telly to provide them.
I think you underestimate your followers.
I will be glued to the news media if Digger doesn’t get his way.
The number of people who could be brought down from a great height by him if he’s upset with them may well be higher than you’d think.
If you had a huge number of people digging dirt for you 24/7 I’m pretty sure you’d have a puttload of interesting mud to fling if things didn’t go the way you planned. especially on those with whom you colluded to get you where you are. 😉
I like reading your tweets because you come across as a sound, honest, real person with quite a good sesnse of humour. Keep talking -we need stimulus to make us think more deeply in this 10 second attention span modern world.
I have been reading George Michal letting off steam about all this today on Twitter. Not his usual field of operation but fascinating to see how it affects individuals -he is after all just a person with feelings and rights -being famous shouldn’t take all that away.
Revolutionary thought always comes from where we least expect it -it would be great if Twitter wasn’t just for self promotion, business networking and making witty comments about celebrities choice of baby names (though all that stuff is entertaining…).
People with a large following like you can and should use that fortune to further greater understanding of issues that are important to all of us. These are strange times but they are quite interesting. Maybe this is the end of information coming from the top through a fliter of the press -maybe it’s a time when we can actaully make a difference to how things are run simply by being connected to one another and sharing ideas and thoughts with people we would never otherwise have encountered.
R.I.P Bill Hicks & George Carlin
Whilst it’s maybe not the greatest compliment, you’re helping make an important story more accessible to people who might otherwise not be interested. Or atleast explaining the relevance to the ‘real world’
I’m happy to think we’re reaching a time now where people who ask questions aren’t immediately deemed madmen or conspiracy nuts!
JUST GIVE ME THE FUCKING SALAD!!!!!!
The ‘Rise of the Murdoch Empire’ has been worrying me for years, thanks for this article, Rufus. We all need to listen and pass on the word.
I hear you Rufus but do I cancel my Sky package now? How will I get to watch celebrity juice in HD the night after without my Sky box
What if I wanted a deep fried Mars bar?
love it at last somebody who talks not only sense about what is going on in this country but also the facts in easy to read sentences so we all get it!
i love my chips too much to ask for salad, but if murdoch is tongue or corned beef il have ham 🙂
Fair point, well put.
As much as everyone needs a laugh, opinion is opinion. Keep at it.
look, chips are OUR metaphor over at the triforum. have been for years. this is no accusation of plagiarism, but you may as well wear a bowler hat and fiddle with your tie in embarassment.
Not a boring twat at all……a fantastic post.
Are you my father, Rufus?
great post …
You, Mr H re Chips AND Salad. The perfect combo.
that would be “are” pesky vowels
At least you make jokes about things that doesn’t matter!..Everyone needs to care about this subject, the press seems to be above the law!
Good blog mate!
Thing is Rufus, you don’t really have to do anything in the way you post on twitter.
No-one needs to follow you, and can freely un-subscribe. You really do have nothing at all to apologize for.
I suppose it would be a little different if in a comedy show people had paid to see you, and you started a serious talk about news ethics.
But twitter is a place to exchange ideas, and opinions. It makes me respect you more for one, that you have an opinion and are willing to talk about it.
Thank you for sharing
Have you ever thought that the vast amount of people need others like you to get angry because they can’t be bothered?
Seriously, this isn’t boring at all. People like Murdoch need to be brought to account. Just because they,ve got money and friends in high places they think they are above the law. They need to be shown they can’t get away with it.
Great blog!
Great blog, looking forward to hearing more once your life is back into routine!
Witty – though, not always – and hugely principled. You’re the kind of man I get can on board with,* Rufus.
Sarah x
* In a non-sexual sense, obviously.
I love your point of view
my friends and i are huge fans and you always seem to provide the chips and though i know you probably wont read this i think you should run the country> i find politics and news soooo boring and the only way i can take the time to know whats going on is through facebook and mock the week
(BTW I’m 14 not an overgrown kid)
you’re hilarious and awesome for a dickish chippy guy, a true gift to the world of chip addicts 😀
I love your point of view
my friends and i are huge fans and you always seem to provide the chips and though i know you probably wont read this i think you should run the country> i find politics and news soooo boring and the only way i can take the time to know whats going on is through facebook and mock the week
(BTW I’m 14 not an overgrown kid)
you’re hilarious and awesome for a dickish chippy guy, a true gift to the world of chip addicts 😀
Ironically, and probably more historically now (due to the health and f***ing safety brigade), Murdoch’s press is tomorrow’s chip paper! (or should that be salad bowl?! :o)
I follow yhou becuase I have seen you cavort on stage in a gorilla suit… with added penis. Nuff said really.
And this is why I have made sure my new-to-twitter neice is following you as well as all the vacuus made in chelsea herberts. Help me educate her please!!! 🙂
Arrggh – *vacuous. Need a bit of edumakation meself methinks…..
Don’t be sorry! Damnit. The day you start to pander to perceived expectations is the day I WILL find you to be a boring twat.