Whore

11 11 2011

Tweets, eh?! Can’t live with them, can’t live in a perma-connected virtual social thinkspace without them. I’ve been getting a few recently from people who are annoyed that I’m relentlessly plugging my DVD.

When I was 16 I got a job in Guildford – shameful enough, of course – which involved ‘cold calling’. Basically, there was a dozen of us sat in a windowless room phoning people up and asking if they’d like the chance to have all of their windows and doors double glazed FOR FREE*.

When I was 19, having decided to dedicate myself, not to university, but to the almost full time drinking of alcohol, I worked in Public Relations. During that time, I promoted Russell Brand & Shappi Khorsandhi’s first Edinburgh show (badly), the international PR for Who Wants To Be A Millionaire (I was sacked after three weeks) and Claire’s Accessories.

At 25 I went around universities for Merill Lynch – the massive, massive, massive investment bank – and told future bankers that they should probably work for ‘The Thundering Herd’, without ever once referencing the obvious rhyming slang opportunity.

Since then, I have promoted any number of other things – TV shows, radio programs, web things – with a combination of self-interest and contractual obligation.

Commercial TV exists solely as a way of selling advertising space, not because some beneficent magnate want to share ‘Celebrity Juice’ or ‘Argumental’ with the nation. The reason people run Comedy Clubs is to line their pockets with money from tickets and booze.

And all of these things – and I do mean all – I have done for money. When I worked at The Science Museum (something else I did for money) I earned thirteen grand a year, lived with four strangers in a 3 bedroom house that had a mouldy bathroom and carpets that smelled like sicky biscuits. It was horrible but it meant that I could afford to work on making comedy my full time job.

In June this year I recorded a DVD of my stand-up; of jokes and thoughts about the world we live in. It turns out if you’re a bit famous, there are some pretty big companies that will give you a shit load of money top make a DVD and three of them spoke with my agent earlier this year and put offers on the table. The one I signed with was offering less than 1/4 what the other two were offering. However, they were offering total artistic freedom. They said we could package it however I wanted, it could be about anything I wanted, I could say whatever I wanted, wear whatever I wanted, record it wherever I wanted etc.

So I signed with them, and then made a show, in a venue I love about how sad and angry I am. Currently it has five stars on Amazon and a brilliant review on Chortle. There are extras on the DVD. One is an alternative commentary with two of my friends, Leigh and Fearne. Another is an interview filmed, edited and created by my best mate from school, Steve.

More than any of that though, it’s the culmination of everything I’ve worked on these last 10 years. Absolutely everything I’ve done, almost everything I am (if that isn’t too melodramatic – which it is), has lead to this. Contained on that disc is the absolute crystalisation of what I’m trying to achieve. People who have seen it have tweeted me the nicest feedback I have ever had about anything I’ve ever done.

So I’m promoting it. I want you to buy it.

Not because it’s a thrown together piece of shit that will make me a millionaire.

Not because I won’t earn a penny from it but merely yearn to have my artistry validated by you, my public.

No. It’s because telling jokes is the way I pay for my house, kids and wife AND because I’m incredibly proud of it. It’s not flawless, but it’s as good as I am.

If you end up with a copy, thank you. If it’s not your thing, no worries, but please don’t ask me not to promote it. It’s my job.

Rufus Hound:Being Rude is available instore at ASDA, HMV and at  Amazon, Play.com

*The bit about it being free was kind of a lie. Well, not so much a lie as an enormous misrepresentation of the truth. The odds of anyone we were calling getting free windows was about the same as successfully masturbating to the Anne Widdecombe sex tape.

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15 responses

11 11 2011
Tom Hicks

Do you think that maybe, just possibly, you should disclose to people when you tell them that your DVD is 5 star rated on Amazon, that there is only one review. And that review is probably from your dad.

11 11 2011
Jacquie

Good on you rufus: promote away. Nice to see all your hard graft pay off & why shouldn’t it x

11 11 2011
Emma Dunham

(Depressingly) I rarely have the patience to read, in full, an article posted in a tweet. However, your alchemistic combination of prose and content did just that – on that basis am about to purchase.

11 11 2011
colin

Well you’ve sold it to me Rufus.

11 11 2011
Gav

It seems odd to me that people will follow somebody, presumably because they are interested in that person, what they do and how they can find out where they do it.

Whore on you crazy diamond, fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly, hounds gotta sniff the bollox of commerce to put dinner on the table!

At the age of 40 I had a Christmas list for the first time in my life – genius – no more tat from people – your book and DVD just gone on it – hopefully when he checks twice and I have been a good boy I will get one or two of those!

Cheers

Gav

11 11 2011
Richard Lawson

You may have just convinced me to part with some of my own hard earned cah-monies in the pursuit of laughter…….. Might even frequent this blog if the whoreish wit continues in a similar fashion to the above!

11 11 2011
dorisj69

i have not seen the dvd but shall be buying it right now!

11 11 2011
alypally100 (@wizzardade)

Cheers. Well done off to buy it now…for the same reasons as you see above

11 11 2011
Binso

You had me at “whore”. I’m in.

11 11 2011
Amanda

Well seeing as you put it so emotionally and factually, I shall mosey on down and buy it tomorrow, or sometime thereafter.

11 11 2011
Alan

A well thought out, passionate & well articulated response to what I imagine were a number of d#¥k heads moaning. I would have Just ticked the like button though if I could have found it.!

11 11 2011
B E

I don’t mind people trying to plug something that’s personal, one-off and required blood sweat and tears. I follow the people to hear the people. This piece has just got me to purchase it through Amazon.

Keep going.

12 11 2011
Andrew Halsey

Rufus, you are a legend! Quite simply….. I love you! Actual proper man love!
Keep on rockin’ hound dog!
Andrew. xxxxxxx

12 11 2011
Michelle howell

Well I have now just put it on my amazon wish list for chrimbo ! Keep plugging away :))

9 03 2012
Helena H

You missed out Mark Felgate in the first edinburgh show… wasn’t it all three of them together? or was that another show?

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