I want to shoot myself in the head

5 08 2013

So, I was on That Doctor Who Live tonight and I totally dicked it up.

So, due to the #twittersilence thing, I didn’t want to come to you all and apologise, but it’s past midnight now, so here it is.

I’m sorry.

When they asked me to do it this week, I was delighted. I love Doctor Who (Dalek tattoo, picture of the TARDIS hanging up in my house, sonic screwdrivers etc. ) and the chance to be there at this turning point in its history was a real treat. I’m currently working on ‘One Man, Two Guvnors’  six nights a week, so the fact this fell on a rare day off was a miracle. I even went out and bought a new T-Shirt for the occasion.

And then, today, I sat in a room with Peter Davison and Bernard Cribbins (who recounted amazing DW & other theatrical tales) and Lisa Tarbuck (who is one of the best people to ever know) and I got all over excited.

So there, on live, international TV, I just went into melt down. I said “Knock three times”, when it was obviously a quad-sonic moment that heralded Tennant’s (and RTD’s) swansong (and made me cry).

I said Peter Eccleston. Who is Christopher Eccleston’s cousin – a smashing bloke and a friend of mine – but not a man who has ever portrayed the internal beating of two hearts.

So, I’m a bit gutted because I really wanted to try and represent the fans. And I know that for a huge portion of the fans, knowing the names and faces and places is a demonstration of the amount you care about the show, therefore someone who seems to know very little can’t really give a shit.

My problem is that I care about the show, and because I care, I went a bit weird.  Any way, if you think I dicked it up, know that I do too and I’m sorry. Genuinely.

Two other things

1 – I didn’t know it was going to be Capaldi. I swear on my life. Anyone saying I said “Peter Ecclestone” because I knew it was Peter Capaldi is bang wrong. If I’d have wanted to know, I could maybe have winkled it out of someone (once I was there), but I promise you, I had absolutely no idea. I wanted to find out the same time as everyone else.

2 – Oh my fucking God. I met The Moff tonight. I met Sue Vertue tonight. I met #12 tonight. And they were all so totally lovely.  Fate dictated that Clan Capaldi and I ended up trapped together in an Elstree dressing room, so I got to speak to him literally minutes after he’d been named. He’s properly up for it. Really, really. That letter from the Radio Times was written by a boy who had autographs and annuals. His inner child is so excited it looks like it’s regenerating.

And that thing he said on the telly about looking in the mirror and trying to find the doctor , well he said it to me again, sort of acting it out and I think I caught a glimpse. Just a fraction of a second. #12 is sharp, I reckon. If Matt Smith was all angles with rounded edges, Peter Capaldi’ll have your eye out. An inspired choice and one that elicits huge excitement for anyone who has seen the multitude of sublime performances Mr Capaldi has delivered in recent years (Torchwood: Children of Earth, The LadyKillers, The Cricklewood Greats, The Thick of It and more). I can’t wait to see what he’s got for us.

So, Alons-y! Geronimo! What’s the story Bala-fucking-mory?



63 responses

5 08 2013
Geoff Robbins (@_TheGeoff)

Dude, don’t worry about it 🙂

You’re a fan, anyone who knows who you are and knows Doctor Who knows that. It’s cool, honestly. Thanks for the clarification on what I thought might be a Freudian moment.

Seriously, it’s cool, you fluffed the lines on live TV then turned it into something genuinely funny, and possibly the only really fun bit of TV in the program other than the actual reveal.

5 08 2013
Tao J. Brown

I think any true Who fan would have been a mess tonight; don’t beat yourself up about it. Remember that you were there when the announcement was made, not that you made a couple of gaffs!

5 08 2013
Jay Smith

Passion sometimes subverts rational thought, sir. You were there at a great moment. Your last speech was brilliant. Sleep proud.

5 08 2013
Chat Renard

I’d have geeked out all over the place too. You’re good. 🙂

5 08 2013
Beth Rodgers I

Love, you don’t owe anyone anything. You were absolutely adorable and handled the errors beautifully.
Don’t beat yourself up.

5 08 2013

Shit happens, nobody’s perfect, and mistakes happen.

No worries. There are more fans that will forgive easily than those from who you may get flak.

5 08 2013
William W. Ellis

Any of us would have done the same. I saw a fan that shared the stage and went gush.

5 08 2013
Julie Coombes (@jecoombes)

Thank you for this behind-the-scenes description. I think any of us would have been starstruck under the circumstances. It was actually charming to see you fanboying all over the place, and what you said about why the show is timeless was quite lovely.

5 08 2013

I can’t imagine being on live television, knowing the whole world is watching… I wanted to reach through the screen and give you a hug. You were wonderful.

5 08 2013
Steven Rankin

I felt really sorry for you. as I know you are a huge huge huge fan and you kept making these little mistakes and I was saying he must be so excited. you must be over-tired though if you are doing a play all week. please don’t feel bad about this, don’t kick yourself too much. you did manage to recover. Also Peter Capaldi is a fantastic choice. I am so happy with him. This fellow fan forgives you. 😀

5 08 2013
Vicky (@DrsCoffeeCup)

Dude, I think anyone and everyone who calls themselves a fan has cocked up a name or two. No worries. One thing’s for sure, we’ll remember you cocked it up and we’ll love you for it. Any one of us could have made the same mistakes, ’cause that’s just how proper Geeks are. We’re a bit Geeky sometimes.

5 08 2013

chill. It doesn’t matter in the slightest

5 08 2013
Liz Henning


My husband and I were watching the broadcast today, and my heart totally went out to you in those moments 🙂

But really, truly, you did all the fans proud today: because a fan who got to sit on stage at that event should be as giddy as a schoolgirl on a sugar high of pixie stix and Mountain Dew.

Geeking out and going “a bit weird” – and doing together as fans – is what makes us all follow the last time lord through space and time.

Plus, you were so well spoken through the rest of it, I wanted to say congratulations. Well done 🙂

Liz & John
St. Louis, Missouri

5 08 2013

I thought what you said about the appeal of Doctor Who was wonderful and entirely right and couldn’t have been put in better words. I am a Doctor Who fan and what you said really represented my sentiments about the show. Thank you!

5 08 2013

You were simply precious and humble. We’ve all been so excited that we’ve just not been able to put the right thoughts together. I’m just gonna bless your heart and remind you of what you already stated. You got to meet a lot of really cool folks today.

5 08 2013

Whovians were laughing with you, not at you. We know what it’s like to get so damn excited you lose your head. It was funny. The fantastic thing about the Whoniverse is that we are a forgiving and silly bunch. 🙂

5 08 2013

No worries. I would have been a blithering idiot if I had been in your seat. I found it rather charming that you were so excited. You handled it with grace and humor.

5 08 2013

Watching from USA here. Don’t know who you are, but you represented the fans well. We would all have been so discombobulated that complete sentences would not have been made. Well done, and you have gained a new twitter follower.

5 08 2013

Oh, alright. I forgive you.
I completely understood the ‘knock three times’ mistake, and figured the ‘Peter’ was due to Mr Davison, both slips down to the enormity and excitement of the occasion. And the link to the new Doctor didn’t even occur to me until my sister pointed it out afterwards. No tutting, problems or complaints from me.

5 08 2013
Tori Rock

No worries about messing up a little, you still did a totally awesome job!! I looove Doctor Who, but if anyone ever asked me to be on live telly, I’d probably end up yelling Murp and hiding behind the couch!!

5 08 2013
Ann Lavin

I thought you gave it away when you said Peter Eccleston.

5 08 2013

You are human – 100%. Love ya! Don’t beat yerself up – let alone commit the unspeakable … Especially as you don’t have 2 hearts … so the chances of your Regeneration are slim to zero. The heart you do have is a goodun. You came across as seriously pumped with excitement – just like loads of us who tuned in.
Personally, I think they should think about giving you a role in one of the future episodes … here’s hoping.

5 08 2013

Aw, dude. You looked so nervous, and no fucking wonder! You recovered extremely professionally. And thanks for sharing that little tidbit about meeting with Capaldi after. It’s not a lot to go on… but it’ll do for now.

5 08 2013
Billie (@likearadiowave)

it’s cool. No big deal, everyone makes mistakes. ^_^

5 08 2013
M W Adey

Seriously you are forgiven.

Capaldi will be great. 🙂

5 08 2013

Chin up, I think with your excitement and spluttering in the face of Who awesomeness, you’ve represented many fans rather appropriately…

5 08 2013
Ste (@Shaker_Chizzle)

You know what? Who cares if you cocked it up? If people are getting their knickers in a twist over it, let’s see them try and keep everything together on live fucking telly.

You might feel like a dick, but it’ll pass – we’ve all made some pretty big cock-ups at one point or other. I, for example, once met Hugh Laurie and proceeded to tell him how much like Hugh Laurie he looked…imagine my horror when I found out he wasn’t just a lookalike…

Chin up, Hound, and do us all a favour – grow the bloody beard back!

5 08 2013
Val Rogers

Ah bless you Rufus! I really felt for you on live TV must have been a nightmare but I can only imagine how excited you must have been. I would have just wet myself with anticipation. Can’t wait for the next era of ‘The Doctor!’ Val Rogers @marxipan

5 08 2013
Chris Newman

I can imagine you were just so excited – and it’s so easy to stumble over a couple of words! More important than those two little slips was the brilliant speech you gave about the importance of Doctor Who! As a guy who’s been a fan of the show nearly 40 years, I think you can take a pass on the stumbles and enjoy the fact you were there on the night we got the best Doctor! Take care fella and don’t beat yourself up!

5 08 2013
Alex Preston

Don’t worry Rufus, it was all very sweet really. And I didn’t even hear you say ‘Peter Eccleston’ as I was so caught up in the moment (and admiring your t-shirt). I was more surprised that you got into Who so late when we’re the same age 😉 My first Doctor was Peter Davison. I met him 2006 at the Cavern in Liverpool and really should have thought about what I was going to say first. Telling him ‘I was practically in love with you when I was 3’ didn’t go down too well …

5 08 2013
I want to shoot myself in the head | The Dogs Blogs | Too Posh To Mosh

[…] via I want to shoot myself in the head | The Dogs Blogs. […]

5 08 2013
5 08 2013

Fella, you were clearly excited as fuck to be there and it came across as the sort of dumb-ass mistakes we all make when something’s important to us (my ex-wife used a double negative in our wedding vows, but with hindsight that was probably deliberate now I think about it). Better that than some rehearsed soundbite.

Capaldi’s going to be great. Enjoy the 50th, boss.

5 08 2013

You’re punishing your self but you don’t need to. Everyone makes mistakes.
If this post is a result of idiots on Twitter; ignore it. Besides, it’s obvious you’re a big fan, your tatoo gives it away.

5 08 2013
5 08 2013
John Dorney

I thought you did brilliantly, to be honest. Couldn’t care less about the mistakes, and you summed up the show’s essence beautifully. No shooting required!

5 08 2013
Sean T (@CockneyCharmer)

Whilst the mistakes were embarrassing for you as a fan, the passion in your reaction to those mistakes showed your love for the show as a fan, No Doubt about it. It was a big moment for any Doctor Who fan and you were on the sofa with Bernard Cribbins, enough to make any fanboy a little nervous and off key.

Whilst the moment can never be forgotten it can be forgiven sir, and very jealous you got to be a part of that LIVE event…love to see the Tattoo 🙂

5 08 2013

I’m afraid you’ve made another mistake… but this time it is only a spelling mistake! It is Peter Davison, not Davidson 🙂

5 08 2013

It seems the entry has been corrected since I received the email of the above blog!

5 08 2013
David Normington

Have to say I really felt bad for you last night. You came on as a huge fan of Doctor Who and got a couple of facts wrong. But you know what, you was over excited and I am pretty sure that any other massive fan of the show would have done the same thing. Besides you more than redeemed yourself with what you said about what the show means to you, that was just brilliant.

Also you got to meet the 12th and 5th Doctor, Wilfred Mott and Steven Moffat. Bit jealous.

From a fellow Whovian.

5 08 2013

Dont worry about it…..think we all faced with this would do the same….excitement and nerves gets the better of us all

5 08 2013

We forgive you most of us were to busy sobbing after listening to Matt Smith but you may have blow your chance at companion by not remembering your lines

5 08 2013

Happens to us all. You would need to be a real crazy person to bear a grudge about something like this.

5 08 2013
BTRC Contributors

I was there live and could see how excited you were in the wings – just typical that happens on a live show,but you handled it well and to be honest you gave us all a laugh and added to the realism of the moment. So the Whovians will allow you to keep your tattoo no ritual sons of anarchy style de-branding to be had here now. ps my goal is to now get your autograph with “he knocked 3 times” written down 😉

5 08 2013
Eddie Clements

A lovely blog Rufus, and I’m sure you’ve no need to apologise! The fact that you did just reinforces your love for the show. Yes, some fans are a wealth of statistics and facts, but I’m sure even the best of them would have struggled with recalling them given the fever pitched excitement of last night.

Loved your tshirt by the way!

5 08 2013
Richard Arblaster

It was live telly, don’t be so hard on yourself 🙂

5 08 2013
Geeky Mommy

Don’t worry. We still love you. 😛

5 08 2013
Geeky Mommy

(And, oh yeah, trust me, had I been up there, I would have made mistake after mistake and probably not been able to breathe! You did a wonderful job! All Whovians would have been nervous!)

5 08 2013
Poor old Rufus Hound… |

[…] blowing his Fan Credentials on live tv last night. Still, he redeems himself today with a nice we blog post on the […]

5 08 2013
Teena Watts Nunn

When you made the knocked 3 times remark and though you were “abt to die” I thought you could have covered and said uhh I mean, you know, holding my breath for the 4th knock lol but good for you for being honest and human! I would have been so excited I would have probably cross-contaminated my fandoms quoted Shrelock, threw up the live long and prosper sign, written I am a fish 400 times did a funny little dance and fainted!

5 08 2013
Stuart Kerrigan

Could’ve happened to anyone. Now I’m off to watch my Matt Tennant and Joe McGann era DVDs. 🙂

5 08 2013



5 08 2013

Dammit – corrected it before I posted! 🙂

5 08 2013

Forget it, it made people laugh in what was a very tense half an hour! I’m excited about Capaldi, I think he’ll bring something new and fresh to the screen and a new edge to a loved character.

5 08 2013

You shouldn’t be so harsh on yourself. I get nervous just meeting one of the DW stars at a convention. Considering you were representing fandom live on TV across the globe the pressure must’ve been enormous, you did well and I’m sure most people understand the minor mistakes especially given the circumstances. Hope you’re feeling better about it now.

5 08 2013

Just so you know, everyone on Twitter forgave you:P

5 08 2013

Mr Hound, we forgive you.

5 08 2013

Oh, and? You spelled “allons-y” wrong.

Kidding. I kid. You’ve been through enough. As a fangirl, I doubt I’d even have been able to get a word out, let alone wrong ones.

6 08 2013

I personally think you redeemed yourself with that smashing answer about why sci-fi is important!

6 08 2013

I thought it was darling, really. You were clearly just tremendously excited, to the point where you slipped up on some things. You didn’t faint, cry, or throw up on anyone, so I’d say you did pretty well.

6 08 2013
Scott Lines

Dude. Nothing to apologise for. You were funny and your T-Shirt was amazing (I ordered the same one the next day!). Loved your passionate defence of all thing Who.

13 08 2013

Hmm…..OK, I’ll allow it. Sure, you dicked it up, but you enhanced the memorability of the show as well. I’m sorry to say, but it’ll most likely become ‘Who History’ in the future, so you have that going for you.

Keep Calm and Carry On!

28 10 2013
Michael Black

Anyone who knows you, knows how much of a massively dedicated and knowledgeable Doctor Who fan you are. If anything this just boosted your exposure. Of all the talking heads on that live show it’s you who people were talking about. It only took them a quick google to see how much of a true whovian you are. We all, each of us, have a total brain fart every now and again. Yours just happened on live TV. Most people totally sympathised with you my friend. Believe me, as much as you wanted to blow your own skull wide open, we all loved you a little bit more 🙂

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